I want you to love me, unconditionally. I want you to want to travel. I need you to love Radiohead. I want you to fuck me when I want it. I want you to write me poetry, and enjoy mine although you would never understand it. I want you to remind me where I came from. I want you to like my friends. I want you to like New York. I want you to know who Hermann Hesse is. I want you to enjoy my library, and want to educate yourself. I want you to love someone else, and realize you love me. I want you to drive to me for once. I want you to like it when I dance salsa terribly with my cuban father. I want you to not give a shit how fucked up I am because I lost my mother. I want you to except my eccentric nature. I want you to stop caring about my black clothes. I want you to stop calling me a hipster.I want you to love yourself. I want you to realize how truly blessed you are to have your fucking saint mother. I want you to grow a beard. I want you to stop being so ignorant and embarrassingly uncultured, you go to a fucking ivy league school damnitt. I want you to not care when I get fat, and am fat. I want you to except that I constantly change for the better. I want you to stop treating everything in your life like shit, you robotic fuck.I want you to like that i like lesbian porn.I want you to not lie to me and tell me you didn't throw away 100 years of Solitude, when I know you just couldn't read it. I want you expand your horizons. I want you to not go into the military, it scares me. I want you to stop calling me fat. I want you to tell me that the reason we never worked out wasn't because I was fat. I basically want you to be everything you are not. never will be... will never want to be. I want to remember you, the good parts. I want to thank you for letting me be free, it was the greatest gift you could have ever given me.

Another one from me

I miss stef.

Laying in my bed at 1:48 in the afternoon, pretty sick, talking to chelsea, reading The Life of Pi for a class I almost failed for my own personal spiritual enlightenments- made me realize... I just need a fucking weekend at Pil's man. So bad. I think that's what everyone needs. To go over on a friday night, eat shit, drink beer, listen to music, rant about life, cry on the carpet bed, and just plain be together. Who is with me?

I'm sick and tired of the way that I feel,
I'm sick of dreaming and it's never for real.
I'm all alone with my deep thoughts.
I'm all alone with my heartache and my good intentions.

I work to eat and drink and sleep just to live,
Feels like I'm never getting back what I give.
I've got a sad song in my sweet heart.
And all I really ever need is some love and attention

And I don't want to cry my whole life through,
I want to do some laughing too.
So come on, come on, come on, come on, laugh with me.
aaaand I don't want to die without shaking up a leg or two,
Yeah, I want to do some dancing too.
So come on, come on, come on, come on, dance with me.

Sometimes youve just gotta make it for yourself.
Sometimes sugar, it just takes someone else.
Sometimes youve just gotta make it for yourself.
Sometimes baby, you just need someone else.

artichoke heart <3

Just a few. You have to start from the bottom up.

YOU STAY. I GO. NO FOLLOWING.

All of my pictures from coachella, every single one- every single video from this road trip, every single one... WONT UPLOAD TO : flickr, photobucket, facebook.. nada! I guess it wasn't meant to be. Too bad because I got a ridiculous amount of hysterical pictures/videos while everyone was tripping and while I climbed on some fucks shoulders to sing home in the front row. Wasn't meant to be, I guess I really am supposed to keep it all to myself.

Taken by yours truly (:

See more funny videos and TBT Videos at Today's Big Thing.

about 45% of my fellow festival attendees were like this man.

I feel so much and want so much, but can't grasp any of it. It is such a weird feeling, like being high and coming down - or better yet, being in love and getting your heart broken. I am floating in the in between stages of my life and it feels so strange. I had a taste of the happiness that I could experience, and it's not like I am not happy where I am ; don't get me wrong. It's quite the opposite of that, I am very happy- it's just I am at this road right, and the road has a fork but not with just two paths ... more like six. There are these six paths to take, and I have never been good at decisions like these, I always feel like I am missing out on something. Sometimes I feel like I developed this problem after Brandon and I really broke up, it involves getting bored very easily and always being in need of constant change. A fein for growth. What am I going to do? Who knew that driving to California and back would make me so emotional... All I want to do is talk and hold on to all the things I saw and did, and all the people I met but I know I can't do that. I feel so free, so I am going to go with it. I wish I could heal everyone I love, and make their aprils the springtime of their lives because they deserve it.
P.S I might go post crazy.

so much to feel- cant feel anything.
so much to say- cant say anything.
so much to do- cant do anything.
so much to remember- will always remember everything.

My head is in a million different places. I will never be able to explain how I have felt/ feel. I will always have it though, that's all I will ever say. I will miss that free feeling more than anything could ever be missed. No sleep. I am floating. Nothing has ever been more worth it. I scare myself. 7 hours on my feet for B sides, live. I could explode, I am brown and complete- yet empty? Home on top of a guys shoulders, Jade cried. My bed doesn't feel like home anymore. Happiness. Delusion. Sleep.

I might fail my Literature course because I haven't done my paper on Oscar Wilde, but what's a girl to do? April has been too awesome, and I have already read Dorian Gray. Whatever, here is stuff that reminds be of ... stuff. Like my friends and shit.

So March was a pretty rough month, I mean for the most part- but in the end it all comes together. Ya know?
I realized that love can really rule, and conquer all the bullshit life throws atcha. I realized I love my grandfather so much, and everything he has been through has made him one of the most incredible human beings I have ever known. I realized that I love my best friends, didn't think I could love em more, but I guess life teaches you new things everyday. I realized that you can be really close to a male, and not want to fuck/date/rape them. I realized that your first love will probably always want your shit, you just need to have the will-power and vag-power not to give into them. I realized that buying a ticket to coachella was most likely the best idea I have ever had and that April is going to be the most intense month of my existence.

If anything happens to me I hope you all know where you stand in my <3.
Pil, I still want to meet your brother. Thank you to my 4hr + significant other for my savings today, and basically making me love you even more. Hang in there chelsea, and rahbo- I love you so much. Mildred, I am glad you found someone who makes you happy and has about the same amount of moldy bowls in their room. I am going to miss you.

When "Home" plays, you know you will all be receiving the most random 5-way phone convo of your lives.
(so answer my phone call k?)

Gonna go explore America for a bit. See ya